MINDFULNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS - TRY THIS:
CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
· Daily meditation and commitment to an ethical/spiritual/principled life
· Personal responsibility for each to reflect on own behaviour and to speak up
· Monthly commitment check in: what am I working on myself to enrich this relationship, what am I doing/not doing with you to enrich the relationship?
In what way will I focus on my commitments or make new commitments based on your feedback and my reflection?
· Communicate without blaming, justifying, defending or rationalising
· Make effort to support, love, encourage, accept, forgive
********Practicing individually giving more attention to our field of awareness and living from a heart-centred place of love. Bringing our fields together
Utilizing both the methods of meditative awareness and experiential phenomenology the object of personal awareness becomes awareness itself. This sublime process is both the basis of healing and psychotherapy as well as the profound meditative experience of oneness between self and otherness. Human beings easily and relentlessly transmit their experience of their minds to each other but what is the wonder of all wonders is they can transmit their experience of their sublime awareness field to each other and within each other with great and co -emergent consequences. As Dudjom Rinpoche the great Dzogchen teacher writes,” although hundreds or thousands of explanations are given, there is only one thing to be understood. Know the one thing that liberates everything-awareness itself, your own true nature.”
Journal of Washington Center for Consciousness Studies
CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
· Daily meditation and commitment to an ethical/spiritual/principled life
· Personal responsibility for each to reflect on own behaviour and to speak up
· Monthly commitment check in: what am I working on myself to enrich this relationship, what am I doing/not doing with you to enrich the relationship?
In what way will I focus on my commitments or make new commitments based on your feedback and my reflection?
· Communicate without blaming, justifying, defending or rationalising
· Make effort to support, love, encourage, accept, forgive
********Practicing individually giving more attention to our field of awareness and living from a heart-centred place of love. Bringing our fields together
Utilizing both the methods of meditative awareness and experiential phenomenology the object of personal awareness becomes awareness itself. This sublime process is both the basis of healing and psychotherapy as well as the profound meditative experience of oneness between self and otherness. Human beings easily and relentlessly transmit their experience of their minds to each other but what is the wonder of all wonders is they can transmit their experience of their sublime awareness field to each other and within each other with great and co -emergent consequences. As Dudjom Rinpoche the great Dzogchen teacher writes,” although hundreds or thousands of explanations are given, there is only one thing to be understood. Know the one thing that liberates everything-awareness itself, your own true nature.”
Journal of Washington Center for Consciousness Studies
Into the Heart of Life
by Tenzin Palmo, (Snow Lion, 2011)
Extract from Chapter 9 'Practicing the good heart'
Whatever our external circumstances, in the end happiness or unhappiness depends on the mind. Consider that the one companion whom we stay with, continually, day and night, is our mind. Would you really want to travel with someone who endlessly complains and tells you how useless you are, how hopeless you are; someone who reminds you of all the awful things that you have done? And yet for many of us, this is how we live - with this difficult-to-please, always-pulling-us-around, tireless critic that is our mind. It entirely overlooks our good points, and is genuinely a very dreary companion.
The point is that when our mind is filled with generosity and thoughts of kindness, compassion, and contentment, the mind feels well. When our mind is full of anger, irritation, self-pity, greed, and grasping, the mind feels sick. And if we really inquire into the matter, we can see that we have the choice: we can decide to a large extent what sort of thoughts and feelings will occupy our mind. When negative thoughts come up, we can recognize them, accept them, and let them go. We can choose not to follow them, which would only add more fuel to the fire. And when good thoughts come to mind - thoughts of kindness, caring, generosity and contentment, and a sense of not holding on so tightly to things any more, we can accept and encourage that, more and more. We can do this. We are the guardian of the precious treasure that is our own mind.
A genuinely good heart is based on understanding the situation as it really is. It is not a matter of sentimentality. Nor is a good heart just a matter of going around in a kind of euphoria of fake love, denying suffering, and saying that all is bliss and joy. It is not like that. A genuinely good heart is a heart that is open and alight with understanding. It listens to the sorrows of the world. Our society is wrong to think that happiness depends on fulfilling one's own wants and desires. That is why our society is so miserable. We are a society of individuals, all obsessed with trying to obtain our own happiness. We are cut off from our sense of interconnection with others; we are cut off from reality. Because in reality, we are all interconnected.
by Tenzin Palmo, (Snow Lion, 2011)
Extract from Chapter 9 'Practicing the good heart'
Whatever our external circumstances, in the end happiness or unhappiness depends on the mind. Consider that the one companion whom we stay with, continually, day and night, is our mind. Would you really want to travel with someone who endlessly complains and tells you how useless you are, how hopeless you are; someone who reminds you of all the awful things that you have done? And yet for many of us, this is how we live - with this difficult-to-please, always-pulling-us-around, tireless critic that is our mind. It entirely overlooks our good points, and is genuinely a very dreary companion.
The point is that when our mind is filled with generosity and thoughts of kindness, compassion, and contentment, the mind feels well. When our mind is full of anger, irritation, self-pity, greed, and grasping, the mind feels sick. And if we really inquire into the matter, we can see that we have the choice: we can decide to a large extent what sort of thoughts and feelings will occupy our mind. When negative thoughts come up, we can recognize them, accept them, and let them go. We can choose not to follow them, which would only add more fuel to the fire. And when good thoughts come to mind - thoughts of kindness, caring, generosity and contentment, and a sense of not holding on so tightly to things any more, we can accept and encourage that, more and more. We can do this. We are the guardian of the precious treasure that is our own mind.
A genuinely good heart is based on understanding the situation as it really is. It is not a matter of sentimentality. Nor is a good heart just a matter of going around in a kind of euphoria of fake love, denying suffering, and saying that all is bliss and joy. It is not like that. A genuinely good heart is a heart that is open and alight with understanding. It listens to the sorrows of the world. Our society is wrong to think that happiness depends on fulfilling one's own wants and desires. That is why our society is so miserable. We are a society of individuals, all obsessed with trying to obtain our own happiness. We are cut off from our sense of interconnection with others; we are cut off from reality. Because in reality, we are all interconnected.
A beginners instruction for taming the mind taken from teachings by Namgyal Rinpoche in Body, Speech and Mind, A Manual for human development, p.142 -143 Although we have been breathing all our lives, we do not have much awareness of that process. We need to become more aware of the detail of the breath, to know its patterns. But while we are trying to hold the mind to just watching the ebb and flow of the breathing, difficulties will arise.Our minds are uncontrolled, going anywhere without an overview. We are mentally dissipating all sorts of energy on data, which we have previously collected with no sense of purpose, no criteria for understanding. It is not easy to develop the ability to control an untamed mind. The mind is very strong and can be destructive to ourselves and others if we let it loose. We must learn to train it if we want to really put its power to use.
Examples of the mind out of control would be habitual tendencies, responses that have been passed on through generations like “education is important”; “money is important”; “how you look is important”; “power is important”; “you can’t trust people who are not white”; “you can’t trust people who are white/opposite gender/different sexual orientation etc.”. Family narratives, beliefs, responses are being perpetuated or we take opposite positions in a reactionary way and start perpetuating new habitual responses. The way we deal with our environment is another example of habitual tendencies. We don’t think twice about driving because it is a habitual response, based on our right to be mobile/independent etc.
To interrupt these habitual responses is difficult because they are entrenched in the mind. We have to become deeply aware of our minds so that we can respond in the present time. So we use our breath to slow us down and become more aware of our true nature unfettered by our mind’s history. The breath is used because we breathe; it is dependable, although we really are not aware about the breath and how it changes. Our awareness is on the breath like a rope tied to a post. Eventually mind will settle down, becoming aware of the attachment to the breathing process. At that point one may then go into deeper areas of mindfulness.
In the process of breathing, focussing the mind on feeling the breath at the nostrils; noticing where the air flow can be felt, we will gradually become absorbed in the area of the nostrils and the breath. We may experience a dawning of awareness of the route the breath takes through the body. It is important not to be distracted by the various pains, itches and chills that may arise. Don’t pay too much attention; don’t get involved with the spontaneous arisings. The focus should remain at the nostril and not chasing phenomena around the body. The foundation of the practice is set by concentrating on the in-and-out breath only.
The training is very mechanistic. Although every breath has various emotional states and so forth behind it, do not pay attention to such things at this stage. At the end of the session we can allow ourselves time to recognise the changes we witnessed in the breath (longer or shorter breaths etc) or the passage of the breath.
TIPS for young people from Heather:
Use a mindfulness bell and have them listen until the sound of the bell can no longer be heard
Have them practice watching their breath first noticing if it changes without doing anything. Are some breaths longer or shorter? Have them breathe in peace, breathe out frustration... gently. Emotion often rises when we are still ; let them know it is okay; it will help to relieve pressure.
Examples of the mind out of control would be habitual tendencies, responses that have been passed on through generations like “education is important”; “money is important”; “how you look is important”; “power is important”; “you can’t trust people who are not white”; “you can’t trust people who are white/opposite gender/different sexual orientation etc.”. Family narratives, beliefs, responses are being perpetuated or we take opposite positions in a reactionary way and start perpetuating new habitual responses. The way we deal with our environment is another example of habitual tendencies. We don’t think twice about driving because it is a habitual response, based on our right to be mobile/independent etc.
To interrupt these habitual responses is difficult because they are entrenched in the mind. We have to become deeply aware of our minds so that we can respond in the present time. So we use our breath to slow us down and become more aware of our true nature unfettered by our mind’s history. The breath is used because we breathe; it is dependable, although we really are not aware about the breath and how it changes. Our awareness is on the breath like a rope tied to a post. Eventually mind will settle down, becoming aware of the attachment to the breathing process. At that point one may then go into deeper areas of mindfulness.
In the process of breathing, focussing the mind on feeling the breath at the nostrils; noticing where the air flow can be felt, we will gradually become absorbed in the area of the nostrils and the breath. We may experience a dawning of awareness of the route the breath takes through the body. It is important not to be distracted by the various pains, itches and chills that may arise. Don’t pay too much attention; don’t get involved with the spontaneous arisings. The focus should remain at the nostril and not chasing phenomena around the body. The foundation of the practice is set by concentrating on the in-and-out breath only.
The training is very mechanistic. Although every breath has various emotional states and so forth behind it, do not pay attention to such things at this stage. At the end of the session we can allow ourselves time to recognise the changes we witnessed in the breath (longer or shorter breaths etc) or the passage of the breath.
TIPS for young people from Heather:
Use a mindfulness bell and have them listen until the sound of the bell can no longer be heard
Have them practice watching their breath first noticing if it changes without doing anything. Are some breaths longer or shorter? Have them breathe in peace, breathe out frustration... gently. Emotion often rises when we are still ; let them know it is okay; it will help to relieve pressure.
Taking difficulty as the path to healing – five simple questions from Zen master, Ezra Bayda, to help us cut through confusion
“It is absolutely fundamental for us to realise that difficult situations and feelings are our opportunity to awaken into a more genuine way of living.”
Ezra Bayda Zen master (Shambhala Sun July 2010)
In the middle of discomfort and feelings of groundlessness it is especially difficult to remember what we know. When we are distressed our cognitive brain stops working. During cognitive shock the old brain (based on survival and defence) takes over. At this point we are likely to attack, withdraw or go numb, none of which are conducive to awareness. In the middle of this there are some reminders that can bring us back to reality:
1. What is going on right now? Notice thoughts, words, body.
2. Can I welcome this as my path? No blame, no justifying, no defensiveness, breathe
3. Stay with the physical experience and focus on the breath. Ask what is my most believed thought?
4. Explore what is happening inside yourself, in detail; pay attention. It is the awareness that heals.
5. Let the experience just be: no fixing or getting rid of unpleasantness. Awareness will become a more spacious container, within which the distress begins to dismantle on its own. It is sometimes useful to include the light body or air around the body or skin. The energy may then release on its own without any need to get rid of it.
“It is absolutely fundamental for us to realise that difficult situations and feelings are our opportunity to awaken into a more genuine way of living.”
Ezra Bayda Zen master (Shambhala Sun July 2010)
In the middle of discomfort and feelings of groundlessness it is especially difficult to remember what we know. When we are distressed our cognitive brain stops working. During cognitive shock the old brain (based on survival and defence) takes over. At this point we are likely to attack, withdraw or go numb, none of which are conducive to awareness. In the middle of this there are some reminders that can bring us back to reality:
1. What is going on right now? Notice thoughts, words, body.
2. Can I welcome this as my path? No blame, no justifying, no defensiveness, breathe
3. Stay with the physical experience and focus on the breath. Ask what is my most believed thought?
4. Explore what is happening inside yourself, in detail; pay attention. It is the awareness that heals.
5. Let the experience just be: no fixing or getting rid of unpleasantness. Awareness will become a more spacious container, within which the distress begins to dismantle on its own. It is sometimes useful to include the light body or air around the body or skin. The energy may then release on its own without any need to get rid of it.
The house of consciousness- Heather Ferris M.Ed CCC
Buddhist psychology divides consciousness into two parts:
1. Mind consciousness – our active awareness – main floor of the house
2. Store or root consciousness, the base of our consciousness or unconscious mind – it operates on its own – to be found in the basement of the house. Mental formations like anger, joy, sadness rest as seeds in the store consciousness.
Our fear of suffering keeps the basement locked. The seeds of past suffering rise in order to be liberated. The inner child longs for fresh air and healing.
3. Mindfulness is the salve. It is pure love. Pay attention with awareness to feelings as they show themselves through body, speech and mind. Sit with them, open to them without judgment. Let them show you the path to liberation.
Top floor of the house:
Mind consciousness or active awareness - open
Store or root consciousness - the basement
Anger, joy, hurt, sadness, discrimination, despair, fear anxiety, compassion, understanding
Buddhist psychology divides consciousness into two parts:
1. Mind consciousness – our active awareness – main floor of the house
2. Store or root consciousness, the base of our consciousness or unconscious mind – it operates on its own – to be found in the basement of the house. Mental formations like anger, joy, sadness rest as seeds in the store consciousness.
Our fear of suffering keeps the basement locked. The seeds of past suffering rise in order to be liberated. The inner child longs for fresh air and healing.
3. Mindfulness is the salve. It is pure love. Pay attention with awareness to feelings as they show themselves through body, speech and mind. Sit with them, open to them without judgment. Let them show you the path to liberation.
Top floor of the house:
Mind consciousness or active awareness - open
Store or root consciousness - the basement
Anger, joy, hurt, sadness, discrimination, despair, fear anxiety, compassion, understanding
Mindfulness Seminar
Heather Ferris
· Mindfulness is not a philosophical concept. It is a practical, down-to-earth method for looking within and understanding the mind.*
· It can also be conceptualised as a feature of self-regulation, which is defined as the process by which a system regulates itself to achieve certain goals (Shapiro and Scwartz, 2000, p. 254). Mindfulness or awareness is also a key feature of Brown and Ryan’s (2003) Self determination theory (SDT) in the way that it is thought to enhance self-regulation and, consequently, wellbeing, in that the more an individual is apprised of what is occurring internally and in the environment, the more healthy, adaptive, and value-consistent his or her behaviour is likely to be (Brown and Ryan, 2004, p.114).
· In simple terms, our unconscious way of operating in a stressful situation is fight, flight or freeze. If we can regulate this with a relaxation response coming into the present moment we can bring awareness or consciousness to the situation. If individuals are well practiced in mindfulness strategies they will more often use more rational and detached coping strategies and less emotional and avoidant styles.
· Building awareness: Using mindfulness we can find out who we are and what we are.
· We can examine our preconceptions fearlessly in the hope that we will see for ourselves how everything comes from the mind; that we create our own suffering and happiness; that we must take personal responsibility for whatever we experience, good or bad.* This does not mean we are responsible for what happens to us, only our own experience of this.
· It is important to know your own mind so that you can catch yourself in habitual patterns and live to your full potential. For example with restlessness and dissatisfaction, when people first made cars, airplanes, computers it was to be able to do things more quickly so they would have more time for rest. Instead people are more restless than ever.
Let’s examine our own everyday life:
· Because of attachment or wanting we get emotionally involved in (never being satisfied).
· Pleasure and joy come from the mind, not from external phenomena.
· The same is true for pain and aversion.
Next time you are emotionally upset check for yourself. Instead of distracting yourself by busily doing something, relax and try to become aware of what you are doing. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? How am I doing it? What is motivating me?
Building compassion: To feel loving kindness for others we must first feel it for ourselves. This means being aware of our body and mind response
We can start with ourselves setting some commitments for the way we act in our lives:
1. Generosity – wake in the morning breathe into your heart bringing warmth and love to yourself with the idea of filling yourself up so that you can make the world (even in a small way) a better place.
2. Truth – commit to telling the truth to yourself and others in everything you do. Notice what you do and the effect of it.
3. Be patient with yourself and with others – go one more step before you give up.
4. Make effort particularly when you feel resistance.
5. Practice mindfulness concentrating on the breath or another object
6. Listen deeply in a silent mind for wisdom before taking important decisions.
Practice the values of: Generosity, truth, patience, effort, concentration, deep listening
Bibliography
Brown, W. K., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 822-848
Brown, W. K., & Ryan, R. M. (2004). Fostering healthy self-regulation from within and without: A self-determination theory perspective. In P.A. Linley & S.Joseph (Eds.), Positive psychology in practice , (pp. 105-124). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 144-156
Shapiro, S.L., Carlson, L., Astin, J.A., & Freedman, B. (2006). Mechanisms of mindfulness. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62, 373-386.
*Grateful thanks to Dr. Nicholas Ribush who has edited many of Lama Yeshe’s teachings such as, Becoming your own Therapist and Make Your Mind an Ocean, books which are distributed free from Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive, Boston, USA www.LamaYeshe.com,
Heather Ferris
· Mindfulness is not a philosophical concept. It is a practical, down-to-earth method for looking within and understanding the mind.*
· It can also be conceptualised as a feature of self-regulation, which is defined as the process by which a system regulates itself to achieve certain goals (Shapiro and Scwartz, 2000, p. 254). Mindfulness or awareness is also a key feature of Brown and Ryan’s (2003) Self determination theory (SDT) in the way that it is thought to enhance self-regulation and, consequently, wellbeing, in that the more an individual is apprised of what is occurring internally and in the environment, the more healthy, adaptive, and value-consistent his or her behaviour is likely to be (Brown and Ryan, 2004, p.114).
· In simple terms, our unconscious way of operating in a stressful situation is fight, flight or freeze. If we can regulate this with a relaxation response coming into the present moment we can bring awareness or consciousness to the situation. If individuals are well practiced in mindfulness strategies they will more often use more rational and detached coping strategies and less emotional and avoidant styles.
· Building awareness: Using mindfulness we can find out who we are and what we are.
· We can examine our preconceptions fearlessly in the hope that we will see for ourselves how everything comes from the mind; that we create our own suffering and happiness; that we must take personal responsibility for whatever we experience, good or bad.* This does not mean we are responsible for what happens to us, only our own experience of this.
· It is important to know your own mind so that you can catch yourself in habitual patterns and live to your full potential. For example with restlessness and dissatisfaction, when people first made cars, airplanes, computers it was to be able to do things more quickly so they would have more time for rest. Instead people are more restless than ever.
Let’s examine our own everyday life:
· Because of attachment or wanting we get emotionally involved in (never being satisfied).
· Pleasure and joy come from the mind, not from external phenomena.
· The same is true for pain and aversion.
Next time you are emotionally upset check for yourself. Instead of distracting yourself by busily doing something, relax and try to become aware of what you are doing. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? How am I doing it? What is motivating me?
Building compassion: To feel loving kindness for others we must first feel it for ourselves. This means being aware of our body and mind response
We can start with ourselves setting some commitments for the way we act in our lives:
1. Generosity – wake in the morning breathe into your heart bringing warmth and love to yourself with the idea of filling yourself up so that you can make the world (even in a small way) a better place.
2. Truth – commit to telling the truth to yourself and others in everything you do. Notice what you do and the effect of it.
3. Be patient with yourself and with others – go one more step before you give up.
4. Make effort particularly when you feel resistance.
5. Practice mindfulness concentrating on the breath or another object
6. Listen deeply in a silent mind for wisdom before taking important decisions.
Practice the values of: Generosity, truth, patience, effort, concentration, deep listening
Bibliography
Brown, W. K., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 822-848
Brown, W. K., & Ryan, R. M. (2004). Fostering healthy self-regulation from within and without: A self-determination theory perspective. In P.A. Linley & S.Joseph (Eds.), Positive psychology in practice , (pp. 105-124). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 144-156
Shapiro, S.L., Carlson, L., Astin, J.A., & Freedman, B. (2006). Mechanisms of mindfulness. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62, 373-386.
*Grateful thanks to Dr. Nicholas Ribush who has edited many of Lama Yeshe’s teachings such as, Becoming your own Therapist and Make Your Mind an Ocean, books which are distributed free from Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive, Boston, USA www.LamaYeshe.com,
